Dear void...

I haven't written on this blog in so long, I doubt anyone will read this, but to you great void, I write anyway.

It would seem, I only write on here when I'm in a dark mood. When I feel alone enough to write without worry or care as to whom will read my scrambled thoughts. I'm changing. I'm new. My steps are thought out but my direction is vague, at best. To write in riddles is the only way for me today. To become specific would confuse even myself.

My eyes squint in vexation, my eyebrows twist with mixed emotions. Heart and mind speak opposites. What can I express in words about these thoughts that fill my mind and make my shoulders heavy?

Friends in search of purpose.
Friends fighting themselves.
Friends wondering who I am.
Friends wondering who He is... why is there care?

To be Christ's aid and arm...to be his church...means what? What is my role? Is my judgment sound?

A lurking fear haunts me. Questions tortures the back of my mind like a foreboding shadow. It's like the music in a sad movie.. when the character knows heartbreak breathes just around the corner.

The future stares me in the faces and begs the question, "What's the next step?"
My heart pulls one way, my mind, the other. Uncertainty and mistrust plague conversation.

Why do we love God? What are your answers? Are they sound? Are they righteous? Do they fit His Character? Are your thoughts biased? Does agenda hide in your steps? How much is too far, and how far is good? When is enough, enough? Is this fear relevant?

I make so little sense and so much of something minimal, but the effect is huge.

I want to understand God in other people. I want to understand the mechanics of thought.

Dear void, thank your for listening to this strange tongue and exhausted mind.